Wednesday, March 03, 2010
Still here and still lovin it!
It's been months since I've posted anything. It's not that I have nothing to say, quite the contrary but my life is so amazingly full. I just don't have much idle time for which I'm thankful. I love being a nurse. I love it even on the worst days. Everyone has their own definition of a "bad day" when it comes to nursing and honestly, it depends on my mood! LOL I have had some struggle recently with the way people treat us and had to "regroup". It's not that I'm above anything and I don't want my pride to motivate these words but I am a nurse. I am there to care for your physical well being as well as your emotional and in my heart, your spiritual. I don't mind bringing you that cup of coffee or extra crackers or even grabbing something for you out of your locker. But I do struggle with an attitude of " you owe me this". I am often prayerful throughout my day because I am constantly acutely aware of my standing before my Savior and that your soul, as my patient, is so important to Him. I am, however, human and believe strongly in good manners. Basic good manners. Period. I believe in saying please and thank you and have taught my children by example to be respectful of anyone in service to me, down to the teenage bagger at the commissary. I cannot believe I'm about to type these words but I was struggling to go to work for a couple of months and was devastated by this. It was then I got on my knees before the Lord and prayed for something I obviously don't have...strength. He endured the worst for us! He endured DEATH for something He didn't do! Funny when considering our society who is constantly preaching about "their rights" for whatever cause. And as always, He didn't let me down. I've started praying for HIS eyes and HIS mind for whatever situation arises at work with whomever and whatever behavior they exhibit. I still love love love being a nurse in spite of those trying moments. His grace is sufficient, especially for me while I continue to maintain a spirit of service and love towards others, no matter who they are, no matter what color or their behavior. He loved me that way and it is the least I can do.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Grasping the miracle
It's finally hitting me, what my eyes beheld that night. A miracle. A true living miracle. As my body cleared of the emotion, I've been looking back in a technical sense. All I know is that my patient should not be alive. There is no medical explanation for it. But I don't live in a common sense world. I gladly and wholeheartedly give praise to my Creator. HER Creator. A miracle giver. A life sustainer. That's what HE is.
I'm grasping that I should not have been given the privilege of holding her hand the next day and crying with her a couple of days later. I'm grasping that in our common sense society, what happened to her doesn't make sense at all.
Although the tears have slowed down, my body's shock at what happened is still reeling, just not as fast. I have had people tell me over the last week who was in the room praying with me. True to the heart, people who get it, prayer warriors. Two of the physicians I know were praying. A fellow nurse with a heart for missions like me was praying. And a co-worker/friend/church member who "just happened to stop by for a visit" was praying as well. As I type this, I am in complete and utter AWE at His Grace. The perfect timing of my church friend stopping by as I was walking by the front window with medicine in my hand. I was able to yell at her to pray...please pray. I found out later, the other missions minded nurse said the same thing to our mutual friend.
WOW.
I know my patient grasps it as well because we've talked about it through tears in our eyes. God has a purpose and a perfect plan for her life. She knows. Her mother in law, a fellow nurse/co-worker grasps it as well. With tears in her eyes, we reminisced about that night a little. It's hard though. I don't like remembering but we need to. We need to see it for what it is....a miracle.
While we were working to save her life, when I was praying, I kept reminding myself that God is a good God...that His plans for her were perfect and that all I had to do was trust Him. I had to remind myself that if HIS choice was to take her to Heaven, He was still good. But there are no words to describe the elation of seeing Him sustain her life. Praise the Lord.
I never want to take one breath for granted. Before this moment in my life, I tried not to. But this was very powerful and I cannot imagine that I will ever be the same again.
Trust God! His ways are perfect. And He's just pretty awesome if I must say so myself.
I'm grasping that I should not have been given the privilege of holding her hand the next day and crying with her a couple of days later. I'm grasping that in our common sense society, what happened to her doesn't make sense at all.
Although the tears have slowed down, my body's shock at what happened is still reeling, just not as fast. I have had people tell me over the last week who was in the room praying with me. True to the heart, people who get it, prayer warriors. Two of the physicians I know were praying. A fellow nurse with a heart for missions like me was praying. And a co-worker/friend/church member who "just happened to stop by for a visit" was praying as well. As I type this, I am in complete and utter AWE at His Grace. The perfect timing of my church friend stopping by as I was walking by the front window with medicine in my hand. I was able to yell at her to pray...please pray. I found out later, the other missions minded nurse said the same thing to our mutual friend.
WOW.
I know my patient grasps it as well because we've talked about it through tears in our eyes. God has a purpose and a perfect plan for her life. She knows. Her mother in law, a fellow nurse/co-worker grasps it as well. With tears in her eyes, we reminisced about that night a little. It's hard though. I don't like remembering but we need to. We need to see it for what it is....a miracle.
While we were working to save her life, when I was praying, I kept reminding myself that God is a good God...that His plans for her were perfect and that all I had to do was trust Him. I had to remind myself that if HIS choice was to take her to Heaven, He was still good. But there are no words to describe the elation of seeing Him sustain her life. Praise the Lord.
I never want to take one breath for granted. Before this moment in my life, I tried not to. But this was very powerful and I cannot imagine that I will ever be the same again.
Trust God! His ways are perfect. And He's just pretty awesome if I must say so myself.
Sunday, June 07, 2009
What they absolutely cannot teach you in Nursing School
I've wanted to blog about this since it happened but would not have been able to through the sobbing. What I didn't know was that your body and mind never truly grasps the severity of a situation. At least was the case for me. I never let go of hope. Never. In spite of 4 doctors standing in the room, a BP of 55/40, a new mother via c-section whose body was doing things I never sincerely imagined possible and live and yet I never accepted what could be. I just stood by her side praying. Watching every move every physician made and every other experienced medical person in the room. I did what I was told but mostly stood by her side monitoring the numbers and monitoring her. I couldn't cry but I wanted to. Our bodies are AMAZING. I never ever felt hungry in spite of not eating for many hours. I stood on my feet for 4 hours and it only started to bother me at the very end when she was stabilizing. I had an amazing physical strength to do what I was told for that entire 4 hours. To go where my legs needed me to go.
There was one moment when I breathed a bit deeper truly believing she was stabilizing and all would be well. I think we all did yet nobody was willing to leave the room. Then one last push on her fundus and it was over.....no more waiting. She would have to go back to the OR. Surgery is hard on a healthy body yet the hope never waivered and the prayers never stopped. I prayed for every detail I could think of. All the while standing next to the nurse anesthetists (yes two) and monitoring her fluids. My mind remained clear and focused as I moved in slow motion (at least in MY mind) amongst those around me who certainly knew what they were doing. "How did I get here?" I allowed myself to ask once. Only once because I had a job to do whether I wanted to be there or not. I did recognize it was an awful place to be for each of us, including especially her. My mind kept going back to her family and worrying about them worrying about her. I knew they were praying too. As the situation declined to a terrible level, I still wasn't willing to give up. I knew she wouldn't want to give up either. I kept fighting for her at the Throne of our Heavenly Father. The same ONE AND ONLY we both believed in.
The outcome is a miracle and OF COURSE I have tears as I type this. My body is still trying to get over all that happened that I cannot write about....so many horrible details that would help explain the tears. They cannot teach you in nursing school how to get over this. They cannot teach you how to stop the tears because the very heart that cries is the very heart that cares for the sick patient.
I'll never be the same again. It was one of those life changing moments that will never be forgotten and I've been told, thankfully, I will probably never have to experience again in my lifetime if we go by the odds.
Life is so precious and is not ours to give or to take. I cannot seem to get that through to others...how in one second it can all be over. It makes me want to scream but I won't. I know and will adjust my life accordingly.
I'm very very blessed to report I got to hold her hand and speak to her the next day. She is alive. Her body will heal. She told me thank you but sincerely, I cannot take credit. I've never seen such teamwork in action in my life. Everyone was willing to do what was needed. People made themselves available who should've gone home hours before. I was a smidgen of her care. I was allowed to be an instrument of prayer and supplication. So I'm going to let the tears fall as long as they need to for me to get past this. I am going to continue to give God the praise. And with confidence, I know I am here because it is where the Lord wants me to be.
There was one moment when I breathed a bit deeper truly believing she was stabilizing and all would be well. I think we all did yet nobody was willing to leave the room. Then one last push on her fundus and it was over.....no more waiting. She would have to go back to the OR. Surgery is hard on a healthy body yet the hope never waivered and the prayers never stopped. I prayed for every detail I could think of. All the while standing next to the nurse anesthetists (yes two) and monitoring her fluids. My mind remained clear and focused as I moved in slow motion (at least in MY mind) amongst those around me who certainly knew what they were doing. "How did I get here?" I allowed myself to ask once. Only once because I had a job to do whether I wanted to be there or not. I did recognize it was an awful place to be for each of us, including especially her. My mind kept going back to her family and worrying about them worrying about her. I knew they were praying too. As the situation declined to a terrible level, I still wasn't willing to give up. I knew she wouldn't want to give up either. I kept fighting for her at the Throne of our Heavenly Father. The same ONE AND ONLY we both believed in.
The outcome is a miracle and OF COURSE I have tears as I type this. My body is still trying to get over all that happened that I cannot write about....so many horrible details that would help explain the tears. They cannot teach you in nursing school how to get over this. They cannot teach you how to stop the tears because the very heart that cries is the very heart that cares for the sick patient.
I'll never be the same again. It was one of those life changing moments that will never be forgotten and I've been told, thankfully, I will probably never have to experience again in my lifetime if we go by the odds.
Life is so precious and is not ours to give or to take. I cannot seem to get that through to others...how in one second it can all be over. It makes me want to scream but I won't. I know and will adjust my life accordingly.
I'm very very blessed to report I got to hold her hand and speak to her the next day. She is alive. Her body will heal. She told me thank you but sincerely, I cannot take credit. I've never seen such teamwork in action in my life. Everyone was willing to do what was needed. People made themselves available who should've gone home hours before. I was a smidgen of her care. I was allowed to be an instrument of prayer and supplication. So I'm going to let the tears fall as long as they need to for me to get past this. I am going to continue to give God the praise. And with confidence, I know I am here because it is where the Lord wants me to be.
Sunday, March 08, 2009
Through New Eyes
So I received a new set of eyes and understanding towards my patients and their behavior. This happened on Tuesday when I was admitted to the hospital for suspected heart failure/MI. (they weren't sure) One minute I was ambulating to the doc's office and the next thing I know, I am being slapped in a wheelchair and told I could no longer ambulate. I had to be wheeled across a parking lot and through the very hospital I work at. I soooo wanted to climb in a hole because everyone knows me. To make matters worse, I was also ordered to bedrest with bathroom privileges. ME? SIT DOWN? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Oh and then it was the fun little details....the nasal canula that was so uncomfortable. I had no idea. The medicines they threw at me without nary an explaination. I am thinking maybe that happened because I am a nurse and they assumed I knew. They tried to put nitro paste on me and that I didn't understand so I questioned it and was labeled rebellious.
Students were on the floor and wanted to do my IV/heplock. I would so be a hypocrite if I didn't let them. After the IV stick came the lab to draw my second troponin (that had been elevated the first time) and check my B-peptide for CHF. All this time, the nasal canula was driving me crazy.
About two hours after being admitted, radiology was at my doorstep to do my echocardiogram. Yayyyy, another trip around the hospital in a wheelchair so the whole JCMH world can say hi. I basically wanted to shrink away to nothing at this point.
Back to my room and my mom pops in to visit me. The assisted living decided they were going to leave her with me. We got to eat dinner together while visitor after visitor streamed through my room. I love being loved! And I got beautiful flowers that cheered me up. But I was ohhh so tired. After dinner, I got more visitors and finally at 9pm, got a silent room. I thought I would struggle to sleep but I did not. I dozed between my third set of cardiac enzymes and my vital signs an hour apart. Finally at 11 or so, I was out for a good solid 4 hours. It was bliss. The fun started again at 6am with an EKG and then the lab at 6:45. After that, I got a "bathroom shower" and changed my clothes, brushed teeth, etc. That did help my disposition. My new healthy heart breakfast arrived along with more visitors. The food was great and I was pleased at the amount I was allowed in spite of the low sodium. My sweet friend brought me my box of chai from my floor refrigerator so I also got to indulge in that because the sodium is low on that, thank the Lord!!
More visitors...then the doctor....I get to go home and see the cardiologist the next day as an outpatient. No, I cannot return to work until seeing the cardiologist. Yes, I need to go home and rest. Yes, I am still showing signs of edema but a lot less. I am still short of breath on exertion. But overall I feel improved, especially with the last two troponins being within normal range. What I didn't mention earlier was that if my troponin had gone up at all, I was being shipped to OK City for a heart cath. I tried to not think about that and enjoyed my visitors as my distraction.
I was thankful for the amazing caring staff of my hospital. EVERYONE was amazing. And I received new eyes. It will certainly help me be more compassionate and empathetic to the woes of my patients.
Oh and then it was the fun little details....the nasal canula that was so uncomfortable. I had no idea. The medicines they threw at me without nary an explaination. I am thinking maybe that happened because I am a nurse and they assumed I knew. They tried to put nitro paste on me and that I didn't understand so I questioned it and was labeled rebellious.
Students were on the floor and wanted to do my IV/heplock. I would so be a hypocrite if I didn't let them. After the IV stick came the lab to draw my second troponin (that had been elevated the first time) and check my B-peptide for CHF. All this time, the nasal canula was driving me crazy.
About two hours after being admitted, radiology was at my doorstep to do my echocardiogram. Yayyyy, another trip around the hospital in a wheelchair so the whole JCMH world can say hi. I basically wanted to shrink away to nothing at this point.
Back to my room and my mom pops in to visit me. The assisted living decided they were going to leave her with me. We got to eat dinner together while visitor after visitor streamed through my room. I love being loved! And I got beautiful flowers that cheered me up. But I was ohhh so tired. After dinner, I got more visitors and finally at 9pm, got a silent room. I thought I would struggle to sleep but I did not. I dozed between my third set of cardiac enzymes and my vital signs an hour apart. Finally at 11 or so, I was out for a good solid 4 hours. It was bliss. The fun started again at 6am with an EKG and then the lab at 6:45. After that, I got a "bathroom shower" and changed my clothes, brushed teeth, etc. That did help my disposition. My new healthy heart breakfast arrived along with more visitors. The food was great and I was pleased at the amount I was allowed in spite of the low sodium. My sweet friend brought me my box of chai from my floor refrigerator so I also got to indulge in that because the sodium is low on that, thank the Lord!!
More visitors...then the doctor....I get to go home and see the cardiologist the next day as an outpatient. No, I cannot return to work until seeing the cardiologist. Yes, I need to go home and rest. Yes, I am still showing signs of edema but a lot less. I am still short of breath on exertion. But overall I feel improved, especially with the last two troponins being within normal range. What I didn't mention earlier was that if my troponin had gone up at all, I was being shipped to OK City for a heart cath. I tried to not think about that and enjoyed my visitors as my distraction.
I was thankful for the amazing caring staff of my hospital. EVERYONE was amazing. And I received new eyes. It will certainly help me be more compassionate and empathetic to the woes of my patients.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
LPN graduation speech
I had the privilege of being asked to be the keynote speaker at an LPN graduation at the local Vo-tech Center in town on February 12, 2009. I prayed and poured over my speech for days. I so much wanted it to be a blessing. I did struggle knowing my peers, my co-workers would be present and then they would know my heart. It's always hard to put yourself completely and open to the world. I understand many people were affected by it in a GOOD way....got a lot of good feedback. Praise the Lord!!!
I got to the podium and did a bit of ad libbing. I mentioned how glad I was that there were nurses in the room because I had just thrown about 3 PVC's in a row and was a bit lightheaded. Then I took a deep breath and was a little choked up when I thanked them for asking me to be there tonight. I did confirm the rumor that I had in fact cried at being asked. I told them all how beautiful they looked and how I never get over watching the graduates walk into the room. Then I began what was written.....I also know how difficult it is to have to listen to my speech when all you really want to do is graduate!! You want that diploma and pin in your hand!! I remember! But I also remember trying to soak in every event of my graduation evening. I encourage you to do the same! You earned this night. Your family and friends and classmates earned this night. So soak it all in! The one thing you can count on is that I was one of your greatest cheerleaders on the sidelines, wanting you to succeed. When your paths crossed mine and I smiled at you and asked you how you were doing, that was really me just rooting you on, waiting for you to make it to this night.
I know what it took for you to get here tonight. I know of the long nights of studying and the early morning before the roosters have even crowed, study groups. I know of the time you missed with family and friends where you yearned to be with them but you knew you had to spend time studying just to pass your next test. I am aware of the tears of frustration on the days you had to leave your sick child so you didn’t miss school, or the angst of leaving your newborn behind so you can finish what you started. I also know how you will never be the same again. I found a quote the other day and it reminded me so much of all of you. It is a definition of persistence. Persistence. Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not: unrewarded Genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone will bring success.
I know that you did not get here alone. Spouses, significant others, children, parents and friends of these ladies, you sacrificed as well. Please just know that the time that was taken from you was put to good use. It really was as hard as they said it was. Ladies, Look to your left and look to your right. Look in the audience and look to the platform. I want you to hold your head high and know you have achieved a great milestone in your life but I encourage you to be thankful for the team who got you there. For me, I am going to add the strength of the Lord to my team members. I am all that I am because of Him. You are going to walk away from this one year experience a new woman. You just accomplished one of the hardest things in your entire lifetime! You have probably received new eyes to see life and people in a different light. You have made deep sincere friendships with people you may have not given a second look to prior to school. You have cried tears together and had many laughs. I know this because I’ve heard the stories! You shared 4am phone calls to help each other get to your next goal in class. You’ve been part of a birth of two new babies and listened as your classmates endured the hardships of life while trying to pass nursing school. I still feel as if I can do anything just because I completed this LPN course.
I remember coming into your classroom a year ago and you looked so scared and so overwhelmed. I wish I could tell you that will go away because you are no longer a student but it doesn’t! The great thing though is that you are now equipped for those days. You have had the best instructors possible to teach you what you needed to know to start your nursing practice. You can trust what they taught you because I live it every day I clock in at work. They taught me to treat the patient as if they were my own family and that is an ideal I have not put aside. You are going to care for all walks of life. You are going to care for that man or woman who boasts about their relationship with the CEO of the hospital as soon as they walk into their room and you are going to care for the man or woman who hasn’t had a shower or a warm meal in days. You may hold in your arms a baby whose parents have walked out on them. You may also hold the hand of the man or woman who is taking their last breath and it is your voice they will hear as they enter into eternity. You need to make sure each patient knows that they matter to you, regardless. They deserve that and so do you after all the work you put into getting here.
Be excited about what you get to do! Being a nurse is just so cool! What we get to do is so cool! (ad libbed) Remember to smile! You set the tone! When you walk into a room, you are going to have people show you a respect and a reverence you know you don’t deserve but in their fear and trepidation, they are going to watch every move you make, every expression on your face and will listen to you with their eyes wide open. When you are doing an IV, remember that there was a day you couldn’t do that and had no idea what you were doing! When you are placing an NG tube or changing a bandage on a wound, remember what a privilege it is to be doing what you are doing. Revel in the joy in watching a patient leave doing well knowing you played a part in their care and their improving health. But also take to heart the responsibility you have in the patients’ care. Recall the voices of your instructor when there is a question. You are going to be faced with situations every day of your nursing career where you can choose to take a short cut or you can do what is right. I promise that in our nursing, sometimes we don’t get a chance to do it over right a second time. Sometimes the only chance we get is the first and only chance. I encourage you to always do what is right and best for the patient.
Because it is a privilege to be where you are today, there are certain responsibilities that come with it. Coming from a small community, you are going to be surprised at how many patients you will run into on your off time. You are still a nurse to them, even off the clock. Represent our vocation well. Allow your reputation to be flawless and be the kind of nurse your patients can trust, no matter what or when you cross their paths. Hold yourself to high standards. Choose to be a leader to your co-workers and to your community. Step up and be the kind of person anyone would want caring for their family. Be the kind of nurse, you would want caring for you.
Ladies, don’t let this moment be enough. Set goals for yourselves. Remember, our nursing does not affect just us but so many other people. Even if your final goal in nursing is to achieve your LPN, there is still much education that can be obtained in this career. Every bit of education is knowledge for you and knowledge is power. Knowledge helps you, the nurse, gain confidence which I promise, your patient will be able to sense. I cannot tell you how much more I enjoy my patient care knowing that if anything goes wrong, I have an understanding of my part in turning the bad around. That is not because I am now an RN, I have continued to receive education constantly even as an LPN since the day I left this school. In choosing to try to be a good example, I set personal goals. They may seem small to some but when I passed my ACLS class, I held my head so high! I was so proud to get my ACLS pin for my badge at work! My next goal was PALS and becoming a CPR instructor was the first professional goal I set for myself. After that, I set the goal of becoming a preceptor because I love to teach. I remember the thrill of learning something new. I wanted to be the catalyst for the next new nurse to learn. All of that was accomplished when I was an LPN.
There are a few lessons that hit me square in the face hard once I got my license. I thought I had to know it all. The greatest gift I received was the day I realized not one nurse does and that is OK! It’s ok to ask questions. It’s ok to ask for someone to come along to show you how to do a nursing skill you may not be as confident in. It’s ok to say, “I’ve never done this”. Give yourself permission to not know everything. I highly recommend being resourceful and finding out where the answers are contained but you don’t have to memorize them. Even now in the Recovery room on the weekends, when I know I will be alone, I take the time to find out who the House Supervisor is and let her know what I’m up to. I have her number memorized in case I have a question about my patient. I take time during downtime to brush up on my medicines and nursing skills. I will literally walk through the PACU in my mind, I go through the actions of certain skills to not forget.
I thought I was somehow not going to be affected by my patients emotionally. I naively believed I could put on my game face and could become someone else. I learned quickly and painfully that is not true. That has not changed my love of nursing, quite the opposite. There have been more than one occasion that I had to go around the corner and let my tears out and then put on my smile and go back in the room. I have sat on the side of the bed of a patient who was in her 40’s, just diagnosed with terminal breast cancer and cried with her. I cried during her last days when our paths continued to cross and we both knew she was going to die. I cried when just last month a lady I had been giving blood transfusions to for two years, also lost her fight to cancer. I still miss her and wish I could hold her hand one more time and hear her call me her angel, Wendy. I have learned to love and laugh and cry and hurt. I have learned that on most occasions to give my heart to the patient because that is how I best care for them. Just don’t be surprised when you fall in love over and over again with all walks of life.
Nursing is more than bringing a patient back to a healthy state physically. Sometimes that’s not the goal. It’s about holding their hand when they get bad news or are lonely. It’s about keeping the family informed so there are no surprises for them. It’s about being their advocate when the doctor just stopped by and used words they have never heard before. Its about bringing in their favorite dessert at the end of their life because you’re just so happy they want to eat or it’s about singing their favorite church hymn as they slowly, finally drift to sleep at night. It’s about bringing your patient a bag of bubble gum so he’ll never run out or a bunch of green onions they have been craving since they came in the hospital weeks ago. It’s about crying when you hear the poor prognosis or you are in the room when the doctor proclaims a new diagnosis of cancer that was totally unexpected. It’s not always about passing a medicine or performing a nursing skill. Sometimes, it’s just about listening. Being still and letting the patient talk. And I can tell you, even to this day, when I lose a patient I have taken care of, it hits me hard. I allow myself to cry.
Nursing is not just about the patient or the family either. As you learned this past year, it’s also about each other. You cannot do this alone. The absolute most profound life lesson I have learned in nursing is the importance of teamwork. I’ve been told and have seen with my own eyes the teamwork this class has had. I was so very impressed by that. When you see a fellow nurse having a real life struggle, take time to nurse him or her and hold her hand or give him a hug. Let them know you are there if they need someone to listen or take them a tissue when you see them crying. I’ve received two phone calls the last few months on SDS that made it difficult to concentrate for a moment and I needed a couple of minutes to compose myself. My wonderful co-workers literally swarmed me after one call and just took over. They didn’t even give me a chance to say yes. I cannot tell you what it meant to me to have a minute just to collect myself. The greatest words you can say to your co-worker are, “Is there anything I can do for you?” When you start that wonderful habit, it becomes contagious and others will come to you as well. Set your standard high and decide even now to be a leader in this area. I have worked on floors where teamwork didn’t exist at all and I’ve worked on floors where it is present every second. I feel like a better nurse when I have another nurse to put my head together with to get some answers in helping my patient get well. Put together a few nurses, you will hit the jackpot on behalf of that patient. Teamwork will become addicting and once you’ve experienced it in nursing, you will not be willing to settle for less.
Remember, this life is no longer about you. Just because you are no longer in school does not mean the learning stops, quite the contrary, you’ve only just begun. I’m sure you’ve heard at this point that you will learn more in the first six months as a new nurse than you did the last year of nursing school. You are also going to be taught nursing skills that are contrary to what you were taught here. The beauty of that is you get to choose. You get to set your own standard of nursing care.
Even on my worst days, I love what I get to do, what WE get to do. On the days that every patient comes into recovery room who isn’t breathing or their pain won’t get under control and I leave the hospital a complete zombie, I love nursing. On the days I know will be my last to take care of a patient because their life on earth is about over and I’m crying as I leave the building, I love nursing. And even on the days I am treated like a waitress, housekeeper, or maid, I love what We get to do. There is a Bible verse that my husband and I both live by, in Ephesians 4:1: I therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you that ye walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called." I believe with all my heart that nursing is a calling on your life. It’s a tough calling, sometimes even painful, but a beautiful calling that can never be put into words. My prayer for you is that even on your worst days, you will love what we do.
I got to the podium and did a bit of ad libbing. I mentioned how glad I was that there were nurses in the room because I had just thrown about 3 PVC's in a row and was a bit lightheaded. Then I took a deep breath and was a little choked up when I thanked them for asking me to be there tonight. I did confirm the rumor that I had in fact cried at being asked. I told them all how beautiful they looked and how I never get over watching the graduates walk into the room. Then I began what was written.....I also know how difficult it is to have to listen to my speech when all you really want to do is graduate!! You want that diploma and pin in your hand!! I remember! But I also remember trying to soak in every event of my graduation evening. I encourage you to do the same! You earned this night. Your family and friends and classmates earned this night. So soak it all in! The one thing you can count on is that I was one of your greatest cheerleaders on the sidelines, wanting you to succeed. When your paths crossed mine and I smiled at you and asked you how you were doing, that was really me just rooting you on, waiting for you to make it to this night.
I know what it took for you to get here tonight. I know of the long nights of studying and the early morning before the roosters have even crowed, study groups. I know of the time you missed with family and friends where you yearned to be with them but you knew you had to spend time studying just to pass your next test. I am aware of the tears of frustration on the days you had to leave your sick child so you didn’t miss school, or the angst of leaving your newborn behind so you can finish what you started. I also know how you will never be the same again. I found a quote the other day and it reminded me so much of all of you. It is a definition of persistence. Persistence. Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not: unrewarded Genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone will bring success.
I know that you did not get here alone. Spouses, significant others, children, parents and friends of these ladies, you sacrificed as well. Please just know that the time that was taken from you was put to good use. It really was as hard as they said it was. Ladies, Look to your left and look to your right. Look in the audience and look to the platform. I want you to hold your head high and know you have achieved a great milestone in your life but I encourage you to be thankful for the team who got you there. For me, I am going to add the strength of the Lord to my team members. I am all that I am because of Him. You are going to walk away from this one year experience a new woman. You just accomplished one of the hardest things in your entire lifetime! You have probably received new eyes to see life and people in a different light. You have made deep sincere friendships with people you may have not given a second look to prior to school. You have cried tears together and had many laughs. I know this because I’ve heard the stories! You shared 4am phone calls to help each other get to your next goal in class. You’ve been part of a birth of two new babies and listened as your classmates endured the hardships of life while trying to pass nursing school. I still feel as if I can do anything just because I completed this LPN course.
I remember coming into your classroom a year ago and you looked so scared and so overwhelmed. I wish I could tell you that will go away because you are no longer a student but it doesn’t! The great thing though is that you are now equipped for those days. You have had the best instructors possible to teach you what you needed to know to start your nursing practice. You can trust what they taught you because I live it every day I clock in at work. They taught me to treat the patient as if they were my own family and that is an ideal I have not put aside. You are going to care for all walks of life. You are going to care for that man or woman who boasts about their relationship with the CEO of the hospital as soon as they walk into their room and you are going to care for the man or woman who hasn’t had a shower or a warm meal in days. You may hold in your arms a baby whose parents have walked out on them. You may also hold the hand of the man or woman who is taking their last breath and it is your voice they will hear as they enter into eternity. You need to make sure each patient knows that they matter to you, regardless. They deserve that and so do you after all the work you put into getting here.
Be excited about what you get to do! Being a nurse is just so cool! What we get to do is so cool! (ad libbed) Remember to smile! You set the tone! When you walk into a room, you are going to have people show you a respect and a reverence you know you don’t deserve but in their fear and trepidation, they are going to watch every move you make, every expression on your face and will listen to you with their eyes wide open. When you are doing an IV, remember that there was a day you couldn’t do that and had no idea what you were doing! When you are placing an NG tube or changing a bandage on a wound, remember what a privilege it is to be doing what you are doing. Revel in the joy in watching a patient leave doing well knowing you played a part in their care and their improving health. But also take to heart the responsibility you have in the patients’ care. Recall the voices of your instructor when there is a question. You are going to be faced with situations every day of your nursing career where you can choose to take a short cut or you can do what is right. I promise that in our nursing, sometimes we don’t get a chance to do it over right a second time. Sometimes the only chance we get is the first and only chance. I encourage you to always do what is right and best for the patient.
Because it is a privilege to be where you are today, there are certain responsibilities that come with it. Coming from a small community, you are going to be surprised at how many patients you will run into on your off time. You are still a nurse to them, even off the clock. Represent our vocation well. Allow your reputation to be flawless and be the kind of nurse your patients can trust, no matter what or when you cross their paths. Hold yourself to high standards. Choose to be a leader to your co-workers and to your community. Step up and be the kind of person anyone would want caring for their family. Be the kind of nurse, you would want caring for you.
Ladies, don’t let this moment be enough. Set goals for yourselves. Remember, our nursing does not affect just us but so many other people. Even if your final goal in nursing is to achieve your LPN, there is still much education that can be obtained in this career. Every bit of education is knowledge for you and knowledge is power. Knowledge helps you, the nurse, gain confidence which I promise, your patient will be able to sense. I cannot tell you how much more I enjoy my patient care knowing that if anything goes wrong, I have an understanding of my part in turning the bad around. That is not because I am now an RN, I have continued to receive education constantly even as an LPN since the day I left this school. In choosing to try to be a good example, I set personal goals. They may seem small to some but when I passed my ACLS class, I held my head so high! I was so proud to get my ACLS pin for my badge at work! My next goal was PALS and becoming a CPR instructor was the first professional goal I set for myself. After that, I set the goal of becoming a preceptor because I love to teach. I remember the thrill of learning something new. I wanted to be the catalyst for the next new nurse to learn. All of that was accomplished when I was an LPN.
There are a few lessons that hit me square in the face hard once I got my license. I thought I had to know it all. The greatest gift I received was the day I realized not one nurse does and that is OK! It’s ok to ask questions. It’s ok to ask for someone to come along to show you how to do a nursing skill you may not be as confident in. It’s ok to say, “I’ve never done this”. Give yourself permission to not know everything. I highly recommend being resourceful and finding out where the answers are contained but you don’t have to memorize them. Even now in the Recovery room on the weekends, when I know I will be alone, I take the time to find out who the House Supervisor is and let her know what I’m up to. I have her number memorized in case I have a question about my patient. I take time during downtime to brush up on my medicines and nursing skills. I will literally walk through the PACU in my mind, I go through the actions of certain skills to not forget.
I thought I was somehow not going to be affected by my patients emotionally. I naively believed I could put on my game face and could become someone else. I learned quickly and painfully that is not true. That has not changed my love of nursing, quite the opposite. There have been more than one occasion that I had to go around the corner and let my tears out and then put on my smile and go back in the room. I have sat on the side of the bed of a patient who was in her 40’s, just diagnosed with terminal breast cancer and cried with her. I cried during her last days when our paths continued to cross and we both knew she was going to die. I cried when just last month a lady I had been giving blood transfusions to for two years, also lost her fight to cancer. I still miss her and wish I could hold her hand one more time and hear her call me her angel, Wendy. I have learned to love and laugh and cry and hurt. I have learned that on most occasions to give my heart to the patient because that is how I best care for them. Just don’t be surprised when you fall in love over and over again with all walks of life.
Nursing is more than bringing a patient back to a healthy state physically. Sometimes that’s not the goal. It’s about holding their hand when they get bad news or are lonely. It’s about keeping the family informed so there are no surprises for them. It’s about being their advocate when the doctor just stopped by and used words they have never heard before. Its about bringing in their favorite dessert at the end of their life because you’re just so happy they want to eat or it’s about singing their favorite church hymn as they slowly, finally drift to sleep at night. It’s about bringing your patient a bag of bubble gum so he’ll never run out or a bunch of green onions they have been craving since they came in the hospital weeks ago. It’s about crying when you hear the poor prognosis or you are in the room when the doctor proclaims a new diagnosis of cancer that was totally unexpected. It’s not always about passing a medicine or performing a nursing skill. Sometimes, it’s just about listening. Being still and letting the patient talk. And I can tell you, even to this day, when I lose a patient I have taken care of, it hits me hard. I allow myself to cry.
Nursing is not just about the patient or the family either. As you learned this past year, it’s also about each other. You cannot do this alone. The absolute most profound life lesson I have learned in nursing is the importance of teamwork. I’ve been told and have seen with my own eyes the teamwork this class has had. I was so very impressed by that. When you see a fellow nurse having a real life struggle, take time to nurse him or her and hold her hand or give him a hug. Let them know you are there if they need someone to listen or take them a tissue when you see them crying. I’ve received two phone calls the last few months on SDS that made it difficult to concentrate for a moment and I needed a couple of minutes to compose myself. My wonderful co-workers literally swarmed me after one call and just took over. They didn’t even give me a chance to say yes. I cannot tell you what it meant to me to have a minute just to collect myself. The greatest words you can say to your co-worker are, “Is there anything I can do for you?” When you start that wonderful habit, it becomes contagious and others will come to you as well. Set your standard high and decide even now to be a leader in this area. I have worked on floors where teamwork didn’t exist at all and I’ve worked on floors where it is present every second. I feel like a better nurse when I have another nurse to put my head together with to get some answers in helping my patient get well. Put together a few nurses, you will hit the jackpot on behalf of that patient. Teamwork will become addicting and once you’ve experienced it in nursing, you will not be willing to settle for less.
Remember, this life is no longer about you. Just because you are no longer in school does not mean the learning stops, quite the contrary, you’ve only just begun. I’m sure you’ve heard at this point that you will learn more in the first six months as a new nurse than you did the last year of nursing school. You are also going to be taught nursing skills that are contrary to what you were taught here. The beauty of that is you get to choose. You get to set your own standard of nursing care.
Even on my worst days, I love what I get to do, what WE get to do. On the days that every patient comes into recovery room who isn’t breathing or their pain won’t get under control and I leave the hospital a complete zombie, I love nursing. On the days I know will be my last to take care of a patient because their life on earth is about over and I’m crying as I leave the building, I love nursing. And even on the days I am treated like a waitress, housekeeper, or maid, I love what We get to do. There is a Bible verse that my husband and I both live by, in Ephesians 4:1: I therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you that ye walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called." I believe with all my heart that nursing is a calling on your life. It’s a tough calling, sometimes even painful, but a beautiful calling that can never be put into words. My prayer for you is that even on your worst days, you will love what we do.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Sometimes it's not about nursing at all
I've had the privilege of having two different LPN nursing students follow me the last 6 weeks or so. I remember the days of being a student and doing my preceptorship with someone. I looked up to them and trusted them. I wanted my students to walk away and feel the same way about me because if they trust me in nursing, they will trust me with His Word.
I started with my second student last week and she was extremely different from the first. The first one was very focused on nursing and learning her skills. She is also a Christian so we fellowshipped often about the goodness of the Lord. She is a faithful church member and a confused wife whose husband sits at home. He has a colorful past and she is trying to do the right thing.
The second student claims to be a Christian and right away, poured her heart out to me. That always amazes me because I'm not like that at all and don't feel worthy to be anyone's sounding board...who am I?
Although I'm very focused on doing my nursing the right away, I caught on quickly that the second student wasn't with me to learn nursing. She was there for another purpose. She was with me to learn faithfulness in her relationship with Jesus which would then pour over to her relationship with her husband. He is also from a bucket of men I couldn't relate to. But God's Word could and our Creator loves him. I was able to encourage her in His Word...that no matter what actions our husbands have towards us, we are called to be their helpmeet. God doesn't say to submit if he acts a certain way or if he does or does not attend church. I shared some things the Lord had shown me that has helped my marriage be what it is today.
And I prayed for her immediately. That very day, I took her to the Throne. And the next and have not stopped.
She is still with me but her husband has been smiling this week and NICE TO HER! (amazing the power we have over their actions) They are spending time together and miracles are happening!!
I've come to understand my nursing isn't always about my patients or my co-workers. Sometimes it has nothing to do with nursing at all....but about the lives of those who will one day walk in my shoes.
I started with my second student last week and she was extremely different from the first. The first one was very focused on nursing and learning her skills. She is also a Christian so we fellowshipped often about the goodness of the Lord. She is a faithful church member and a confused wife whose husband sits at home. He has a colorful past and she is trying to do the right thing.
The second student claims to be a Christian and right away, poured her heart out to me. That always amazes me because I'm not like that at all and don't feel worthy to be anyone's sounding board...who am I?
Although I'm very focused on doing my nursing the right away, I caught on quickly that the second student wasn't with me to learn nursing. She was there for another purpose. She was with me to learn faithfulness in her relationship with Jesus which would then pour over to her relationship with her husband. He is also from a bucket of men I couldn't relate to. But God's Word could and our Creator loves him. I was able to encourage her in His Word...that no matter what actions our husbands have towards us, we are called to be their helpmeet. God doesn't say to submit if he acts a certain way or if he does or does not attend church. I shared some things the Lord had shown me that has helped my marriage be what it is today.
And I prayed for her immediately. That very day, I took her to the Throne. And the next and have not stopped.
She is still with me but her husband has been smiling this week and NICE TO HER! (amazing the power we have over their actions) They are spending time together and miracles are happening!!
I've come to understand my nursing isn't always about my patients or my co-workers. Sometimes it has nothing to do with nursing at all....but about the lives of those who will one day walk in my shoes.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Still Small Voice
I always thought that if someone else in my family chose the medical field, I would be ECSTATIC! You know, jump up and down and all around, you put your right hand in you put your right hand out, etc.....but it didn't happen that way.
For almost a year, my husband suspected the Lord was taking us in a direction that we had no say so in. It wasn't our choice but we are wise enough to do what HE says and put aside our desires that could get us into trouble! Emotionally, it has been VERY DIFFICULT to watch what we truly sincerely believed was His will slowly fade away. It's moments like that though I am so thankful for a praying (and fasting) husband. I'm so thankful for a Holy Spirit that bears witness with us both at the same time. As many tears were shed over not going to New Jersey, there was a peace that is unexplainable. Even now, we get teary eyed thinking about not being allowed to go there, "yet".
In the meantime, hubby has retired from the Air Force and is a mere 2 semesters away from a Bachelor's Degree. He always knew he would finish those up as soon as he retired. That's where it stopped. Past that, we had no clue. No plan. No Word from our Heavenly Father. But there was also no fretting, no fear, little anxiety (and I mean LITTLE). We truly believed that if the Lord called us to stay in Altus, nowhere, Oklahoma that He would provide a way for us. In the meantime, our pastor is doing a year long theme of "faith". How appropriate! The sermons have spoken to us in a way we haven't felt in years. I honestly imagine the Lord sitting with us in our living room and just supping with us and encouraging us like a friend. Every single sermon.
So earlier this week my husband makes a proclamation. "I am going to go into nursing".
::DEAD SILENCE::.
"Ok, are you sure?".
Like, who am I to question this praying faithful man. We didn't really speak about it for a good 24 hours after that because I had a hard time digesting his news. There was no confetti, no marching band. Just a quiet presence. As I pray for him about it, the Lord reminds me, I am called to be Tom's helpmeet, NOT HIS HOLY SPIRIT. So the lip stayed shut, mostly. I wasn't feeling critical but confused. I wanted the same peace that Tom had about it, as if I had that right.
Thankfully, we sat together at lunch the other day and I felt liberty to just ask. "Why nursing baby?". Once he spoke to me, the peace came. The tears are coming. The excitement is mounting. The voice is speaking above a whisper when I share with people, "Tom has decided on nursing". The support has been overwhelming. He even shared with our pastor who was thrilled for him and I know people have already started praying.
"I get to be myself". "I cannot imagine another secular job that is so fruitful for the Lord". "I watch what you get to do and you get to be yourself. You do not have to hide your faith. You get to tell people about Jesus all the time. I will not have anyone breathing down my neck to keep my mouth quiet about the Lord. I get to minister to hurting and frightened patients. What better way to go than nursing. It's not something I want to do the same way you did but I do feel a peace about being called there".
So the journey is beginning. He has made it known publicly. The school knows and he has in his hands a degree plan and should be able to apply Spring 2010. I'm trying to be still. I'm trying to not be obnoxious or let my imagination run away with me. Tom is one of my favorite people and nursing is my favorite ministry. So the idea that we may be able to serve in that capacity together leaves me wanting to shout! And his heart. He is nothing like me. He is so patient and so loving. So soft spoken. A great teacher and a great student. From experience I know the journey is going to be trying and difficult but with all my heart, because I believe God's Word and I know Tom does too, he will do fine. He recognizes this isn't about him ...."I can do ALL THINGS through Christ which strengthens me"....and our favorite together is John 15:5..."without me ye can do nothing".
For almost a year, my husband suspected the Lord was taking us in a direction that we had no say so in. It wasn't our choice but we are wise enough to do what HE says and put aside our desires that could get us into trouble! Emotionally, it has been VERY DIFFICULT to watch what we truly sincerely believed was His will slowly fade away. It's moments like that though I am so thankful for a praying (and fasting) husband. I'm so thankful for a Holy Spirit that bears witness with us both at the same time. As many tears were shed over not going to New Jersey, there was a peace that is unexplainable. Even now, we get teary eyed thinking about not being allowed to go there, "yet".
In the meantime, hubby has retired from the Air Force and is a mere 2 semesters away from a Bachelor's Degree. He always knew he would finish those up as soon as he retired. That's where it stopped. Past that, we had no clue. No plan. No Word from our Heavenly Father. But there was also no fretting, no fear, little anxiety (and I mean LITTLE). We truly believed that if the Lord called us to stay in Altus, nowhere, Oklahoma that He would provide a way for us. In the meantime, our pastor is doing a year long theme of "faith". How appropriate! The sermons have spoken to us in a way we haven't felt in years. I honestly imagine the Lord sitting with us in our living room and just supping with us and encouraging us like a friend. Every single sermon.
So earlier this week my husband makes a proclamation. "I am going to go into nursing".
::DEAD SILENCE::.
"Ok, are you sure?".
Like, who am I to question this praying faithful man. We didn't really speak about it for a good 24 hours after that because I had a hard time digesting his news. There was no confetti, no marching band. Just a quiet presence. As I pray for him about it, the Lord reminds me, I am called to be Tom's helpmeet, NOT HIS HOLY SPIRIT. So the lip stayed shut, mostly. I wasn't feeling critical but confused. I wanted the same peace that Tom had about it, as if I had that right.
Thankfully, we sat together at lunch the other day and I felt liberty to just ask. "Why nursing baby?". Once he spoke to me, the peace came. The tears are coming. The excitement is mounting. The voice is speaking above a whisper when I share with people, "Tom has decided on nursing". The support has been overwhelming. He even shared with our pastor who was thrilled for him and I know people have already started praying.
"I get to be myself". "I cannot imagine another secular job that is so fruitful for the Lord". "I watch what you get to do and you get to be yourself. You do not have to hide your faith. You get to tell people about Jesus all the time. I will not have anyone breathing down my neck to keep my mouth quiet about the Lord. I get to minister to hurting and frightened patients. What better way to go than nursing. It's not something I want to do the same way you did but I do feel a peace about being called there".
So the journey is beginning. He has made it known publicly. The school knows and he has in his hands a degree plan and should be able to apply Spring 2010. I'm trying to be still. I'm trying to not be obnoxious or let my imagination run away with me. Tom is one of my favorite people and nursing is my favorite ministry. So the idea that we may be able to serve in that capacity together leaves me wanting to shout! And his heart. He is nothing like me. He is so patient and so loving. So soft spoken. A great teacher and a great student. From experience I know the journey is going to be trying and difficult but with all my heart, because I believe God's Word and I know Tom does too, he will do fine. He recognizes this isn't about him ...."I can do ALL THINGS through Christ which strengthens me"....and our favorite together is John 15:5..."without me ye can do nothing".
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